Thought for the Day

I have not had a drink in 19 years. I have not wanted to. That is simply amazing to me.
I have however had serious thoughts about suicide. Oddly enough, the belief that the world and those I love would be better off if I was dead are extremely prevalent when I stop doing AA.

In the second paragraph of the 12×12 Bill talks about what happens when self tries to apply the principle of surrender. It misses the target and becomes resignation. That is the best self can do. What happens? A proclivity for suicidal tendencies and ideation. The thinking is on the right track but…. once again it’s got the family disease and is incorrect.

Something must ‘die’ and it’s not the body. 

‘Realizing‘ that I am Awareness first and that self is a false container for alcoholism and a ‘persisting-infantile-ago is secondary is the death of self.

Awareness is incapable of critical thought of any kind.
It’s not even a ‘thing’. Awareness sees the thoughts without judgement or resistance or anything else.

The self demands to not only survive but to be ‘something’.
It is not a thing it’s an activity.
It is certainly intolerant to suffering of any kind.
It is demanding to be the problem solver for life’s’ ‘problems’ but it cannot as it has no actual Power.

So something is dying and must die but it is not the body.

The process of awakening is to examine how self behaves and making an inquiry as to “What is me?” Also known as 12 steps.

The process of self examination is in fact “spiritual suicide”. Us, using self to deconstruct (destroy) it-self.

Contemplation for the Day

Only by dying can we achieve life?

Prayer for the Day

Thank you for the willingness to look directly at my-self